Friday, June 18, 2010
Poll Results
The controversial debate on whether or not Delila is a rooster has been a big thing in our house. I think that even though 97% of you think she is a rooster, I beg to differ. I mean, What do you really know about chickens anyway? Huh? But I owe respect to you all so I guess it's a possibility. I must respect my own wishes to though, so I'm just waiting for a cock-a-doodle-doo, Or most likely a farm fresh egg laid by Delila.
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Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ...How do you stop a rooster from crowing on Sunday?
A...Eat him on Saturday!
Abby,
ReplyDeleteA duck walks into a shop, and asks for a red lipstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."
Abby, This cracks me up! You should be writing a syndicated newspaper column and make big bucks! Then you could take me to the Bahamas and you and I could sip cokes on the beach. No more school! Love, Grandma P. :)
ReplyDeleteAbby,
ReplyDeleteQ: Who stole the soap?
A: The robber ducky!
Ashli,
ReplyDeleteDead Duck Story
A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room. He returned a few moments later with a cat.
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. She screamed, "$150.00!" "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now $150.00."
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ: Who tells the best chicken jokes?
A: Comedi-HENS!
Seeing her young chick run out into a busy road, the mother hen said, "If your father saw you do that he's turn over in his gravy."
ReplyDeleteAbby,
ReplyDeleteQ. Didja hear about the farmer who put a sign in his chicken coop?
A. It said, "EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HENS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK."
The missing chicken,
ReplyDeleteThe farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate.
Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."
"Well, you did real well, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."
I bought some chicks for the kids and eggs, but one started crowing this morning.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the Provo city limits so it has to go.
Very cute and docile bantam (mini) rooster with the feathery legs & feet. Brown and gold multicolored feathers. Only 2 months old so it should get more colorful.
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
A: They go on peck-nics!
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ...What happens when a duck flies upside down?
A...It quacks up
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ: Daughter: Mommy, can I have a canary for Christmas ?
A: Mom: NO! You'll have turkey like everyone else!
The little girl is in her back yard beside a pile of dirt. The little girl is crying her eyes out and the neighbor lady comes over to see what is wrong. "What is wrong dear child,"
ReplyDelete"my Canary died," she responds.
"I'm sorry. But, why are you digging such a big hole?"
"Your cat ate him."
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ...How do comedians like their eggs?
A...Funny side up!
On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.
ReplyDeleteOn Tuesday Luke drove up and said, "Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died."
Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.
Luke: Can't do that. I went and spent it already.
Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.
Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?
Fred: I'm going to raffle him off.
Luke: You can't raffle off a dead mule!
Fred: Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.
Several days later the two farmers meet up.
Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?
Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!
Luke: Didn't anyone complain?
Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ...Where did the duck go when he was sick?
A...To the ducktor.
Q: Where does a skunk sit in a church?
ReplyDeleteA: In a Pew
Abby,
ReplyDeleteA guy goes to the doctor, and he's got a piece of celery in one ear, a carrot in the other ear, and two string beans up his nose. The doctor takes one look at him and says, "You're not eating right."
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ...What do young turkeys dress as for Halloween?
A...Gobble-ins
Abby,
ReplyDeleteQ...Why do ducks fly south in the fall.
A...Too far to walk!
Shaman, I like your jokes!
ReplyDeleteThese jokes were great, Shaman (or Papa). I’m so glad you posted them.
ReplyDelete